HEALING from a breakup/ broken heart. Notice that the title of this is healing and not “getting over” a broken heart. That is because it is not easy to go through this, and it is a process that needs to be respected as a loss. The five stages of grief can be looked at as a template of what one can experience with the loss of a relationship that you were expecting. Sure, this person might not be actually dead, but the relationship that you were expecting is gone.
Five stages of Grief:
The five stages of grief are not all guaranteed to happen and they also do not happen in order. For example, someone can go to the bargaining stage and attempt to rationalize the reasons why the break up occurred to come up with a solution for this perceived problem (i.e. I need to lose weight, I need a better job, I need to go to law school). Then this person might go to the anger stage when they realize that they might never be “enough” for this person. Grief looks different for everyone! It is a sensitive topic that needs a gentle touch and listening ear.
How do I heal?
Healing comes from processing this loss, crying, and feeling sadness because this is a sad thing. It hurts really bad. Although we don’t want to feel it. It is important to feel to eventually heal. When we feel this pain: we remember that we are in grief, this is a sensitive time for us, we take it slow, and breathe. The alternative means that we distract ourselves from the feeling and the pile of grief will be stacked up and eventually we will still feel this pain.
Gaining support is also important in this moment. Support can come from friends, family, support groups, therapy, religious groups, or any other type of groups/organizations that we find comes with great listeners. The most important thing to find in support are great listeners! Sometimes friends and family might not be the best listeners at this time because they too involved and love us too much.
The investment that friends and family members have can cause them to want to make it better for you, and sometimes that is with advice-giving. Right now, there are probably clear answers for you logically, but it is hard to think when we are so emotionally fueled by our heart. Friends and family are going to be mad at the person who we are no longer with, and we might not be with them in this anger stage, this might not be what we are ready for in the moment.
There are plenty of support groups and neutral third-party people who can hear us out and allow us to process this grief. Including myself!